Before I Go


     People keep asking me if I’m nervous to go to college. And the answer is no, I’ve never been nervous. No, in actuality, I’ve been really excited. Especially these last few days, as I’ve been getting ready to leave.
     When I think of what’s ahead, this eager longing is stirred up in me. I’ve always loved school, and everything that comes with it: reading, writing, learning new things and perfecting old ones. I’m also enthusiastic about the school itself— Boise Bible College. I am confident that I will grow in Christ while I’m there, if I put my mind to it. If I just let life pass me by, I’m sure I’ll learn nothing. But I intend to dive in and do all I can to grow, and I’m anticipating it. I’m anticipating the challenges and the trials, as well as the joys. Speaking of joys, another thing I am anticipating, since I am in fact a social being, is meeting new people, doing fun things, and getting the full college experience, I suppose. I’ve already met so many potential friends, and I can’t wait to get to know them better.
    However, if you put all of these wonderful things aside, I think the majority of my excitement stems from the need to go. It is ingrained in my personality— this desire to move forward, to take the next step. My aim has always been on my future, and I know that I’ll do what I need to do to get there.
     Where “there” is, though? Now that’s what I’m not sure about.
     I mean, I know what I want to do, more or less. I want to become a counselor— I’ve considered even getting a doctorate in Psychology, depending on what exactly I want to do in the end. I’m still not 100% positive on what vocation I am aiming for, but I am confident that will become clear in the next few years.
     But my goal has never been a job. I haven’t wrapped all my goals on achieving this position or that occupation.
     Is it a place then? Is there a particular place I am focused on getting to?
     Well, I won’t deny it— I have an irresistible urge to travel the world. I have an unexplainable love for the Nordic countries, for instance, and it’s my dream to travel there, perhaps even stay there one day.
     But, as much as I want to do that, and as hard as I’m willing to work to ensure that I will be able to— I don’t think that’s necessarily what my aim is.
     What is it, then?
     My aim has always been on the future, but what does the future contain if not career goals or traveling?
     I think…
     I’m not sure,
     but I think my aim has never been on something— I think it’s been on someone.
     I think all the steps I’ve taken and will take, this desire to always be moving forward— I think it’s because there’s a picture in my head of who I want to be, and I am striving to become her.
     She is smart, but humble. Courageous, yet gentle. Happy, despite the weight of the world on her shoulders, and kind, no matter what it takes. I see a servant of God who is striving to become more like the Son, and to tell His story.
     That’s what I’m aiming for, because that’s what I want my future to be— full of Him.
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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barbara Barckley.
    Aug 07, 2015 @ 21:31:08

    Beautifully put Mary. I see you becoming very successful because of your dreams. A blessing to those you meet in your future. You are already to those who know you now. God has a great plan for you and it will be shown to you on this journey. The first time I met you I could see a strong young lady with a warm tender heart. Stay excited and follow your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Gabi Martin
    Aug 11, 2015 @ 10:07:21

    I’m so proud of you, Mary! And I am excited to see what your future holds and how your relationship with Christ grows!

    Like

    Reply

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