God’s Calling

I believe things pretty easily.

But, for some reason, whenever it comes to God’s calling, I begin to doubt. Whenever I hear someone say, “…God called me to do this thing!” Or, “…And I knew it was the Holy Spirit calling me to begin this ministry-or-other!” I immediately become suspicious. I begin to question them in my mind. 
“… But are you sure it was God calling you? How do you know it wasn’t just what you wanted to do? I mean, sure, you’re doing a fantastic work for the Kingdom, but did God really call you to do it?” 
I don’t know why. Or perhaps I do. I’m a fallen human being, prone to doubt the miraculous. Recently I’ve been getting better at having faith and not doubting so quickly, but I find that my first thought whenever someone says, “God is calling me” is… how do you know if God is really calling you?

But now I know.

I want to be a writer. I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone. I’ve wanted to be a writer for quite a while now, but I think I really began to get serious about it this past summer. I was, and am, getting more and more knowledge on writing and how to be a good fiction author all the time, and trust me, I don’t let any piece of advice slip me by. I want to be a writer, but not just any writer– I want to be a great writer whose books are a light in the darkness and show the way to those who are lost.

I remember a couple months ago when I opened my first One Year Adventure Novel disc and slipped it in my computer to watch. I also remember thinking when I began starting the curriculum, “God, this is just going to seal the deal. If this isn’t what you want for me, stop me now. Show me what you want me to do, if this isn’t it.” 

I kept waiting for God to suddenly put someone or something in my life or write in lightning across the sky to show me what He really wanted me to do. But all along he kept pushing me down the path of writing. And to think, it’s taken me 52 novel and series ideas to really get it through my brain…

Anyway, so up until now, I had been writing and LOVING it, but yet at the same time I’ve just been waiting for some sudden change or passion to show up and totally change my destiny. I wanted writing to be it, but I couldn’t imagine God “calling me” to do something I loved so much. I wanted it to be my calling, but I just wasn’t sure.

That is, until yesterday.

It was the last lesson that had to do with outlining my OYAN novel: the Denouement. I was really excited, but also kind of worried. I had the whole story down. I knew how my novel was going to begin, I knew all about the Black Moment and the Showdown, I had it all planned out. Everything was almost perfect. I just had one problem: I had no clue how to end it.

I have always had some picture in my mind of my Hero and my Love sitting together talking about some deep, intimate thing. I didn’t know what. Their future? Their adventure? But, I also knew that I really wanted to add in something about the theme, too. But how? Ever since I thought up this idea, I have been racking my brain and sucking my inspiration juices dry trying to think up how to do both in one scene.

And then, before I even knew it, I had come to the end. The Denouement. And I still didn’t have anything. Sure, I had a few ideas that would work in a pinch, but I didn’t just want some ending. I wanted this to be an ending that would be remembered. An ending that really left you with the heart-wrenching want for more. An ending that left you alone with the theme. 

But I had nothing. 

I answered all the questions in the workbook. That was easy enough. But then I came to the very last question. It said to write the last scene of your book. It said it was ok if you didn’t have one in mind yet– just to try your best. 

I remember sitting there for a couple minutes, my fingers on the keys, trying to think of some way– any way– to begin. 

But I had nothing. 

I remember thinking, “It probably won’t come to me until I’m actually writing this scene for the novel. Then I will get a brilliant idea.” 

I remember wishing it would come now. 

But I was wasting time. I had to write something. 

So, I began to type. 

And type.

And then I finished.

My mouth dropped open as I stared at what I had just written.

It. Was. Perfect.

It was a scene between my Hero and my Love, just as I had imagined. But not only that, but it also had the theme! It was intertwined so perfectly into their conversation!

I cannot express it enough. It was perfect

And then, as I shut the computer, it hit me.

This was my calling.

Listen, folks, I had NOTHING when I began to type. NOTHING!

And now I know. Now I fully realize. This is my calling. This is what God is calling me to do. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see it. All the times where I was stuck and then miraculously found a way out? How could I not see that was God helping me? Did I really think it was my own intelligence? No, no, no. God was helping me all along. Paving the way. 52 unique ideas don’t just come from no where! What did I think I was going to do with all those stories if writing wasn’t what I was going to do? 

But now I see. I was so busy waiting for God to show me what He wanted me to do that I didn’t realize that I was doing it. 

But now I see. This is what God wants me to do. He wants me to be a light to this world through the art of writing. 

And until the day my calling changes or until the day I die, I vow to do it with all my heart. 

But I can’t do it alone. 

Thank You, God, for being with me. Thank You for helping me fulfill my dreams. Now, use me to fulfill Yours.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sparrowjourney
    Feb 23, 2013 @ 07:50:15

    Mary, that was so cool, how God confirmed His calling for you! Thank you for sharing it. It reminded me of the time Jesus healed the man with a shriveled hand by saying “Stretch it out”. There, in the faith process of DOING what seemed impossible, the miracle came!
    I know you’ve probably had a lot of people confirming this call on your life, but I just want to make sure you add “Miss Brenda” to that lengthy list. I cannot wait to see how God uses this talent of yours for His glory!



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